Does uncondtional love have boundaries?
Today’s devotion builds on the thoughts from Sunday’s Sermon – Week 2 of “Compelled – Living the Value of Unconditional Love” (LISTEN HERE).
Are their boundaries to unconditional love?
The fear in showing unconditional love is that someone will take advantage of that love. In fact, a hypothesis that swirls in my mind is that conditional love comes from being burned by showing unconditional love.
What do I mean? Someone wrongs you and you love them anyway. They wrong you again. You love again. They wrong you again. Done loving unless…
It’s understandable. So are their limits to unconditional love? Here are a few thoughts…
- Unconditional love does have boundaries but not conditions.
The Good Samaritan did not stay at the hotel until the man was able to leave. He offered to reimburse the inn keeper (boundaries), but he didn’t expect anything back from the injured man (unconditional).
Luke 10:35 The next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’
- Unconditional love can be rejected without making it conditional.
Matthew 23:37 “Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were not willing.
Jesus realized the people he desired to experience his unconditional love pushed it away. He did not force his love on them or force them to love them. His heart wanted the people to experience the unconditional love he brought.
People in our lives can reject our love. It hurts because our heart longs for them to experience that love. While our love is always available, it is not forced upon someone. It hurts when our love is pushed away, but when someone pushes our love away it doesn’t mean we have put conditions on it.
- Unconditional love engenders love not selfishness.
1 John 4:19 We love because he first loved us. 20 Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen.
Our response to unconditional love is unconditional love. When a person continues to spurn the love of God, they remove themselves from the blessing of God’s love. This may be the same for our love. Our desire is that showing unconditional love will engender unconditional love in response. When it is spurned, one may be removed from the benefit and blessing of our unconditional love.
- Behavior does not conditionalize unconditional love, but behavior comes in line with unconditional love.
2 Corinthians 5:14 For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. 15 And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.
Christ’s love for us is not conditional on our performance, but our performance is driven by the love we have been shown by Christ. Therefore, our unconditional love affects others in a way that they are also compelled to show unconditional love to others.
So what does that mean in our church culture?
The unconditional love of Christ is to work into our hearts and to spill over into the lives of others. There may be situations where the boundary of love is raised when love is spurned or rejected. However, it is our prayer that Christ’s unconditional love fills our heart and lives and through us is shown to others. When others see the love of Christ in us and among us, it is our prayer that this culture and value of unconditional love becomes engrained and experienced in all of us.
Apply: Ask the Lord to help you see where you can grow in your love and foster the culture of unconditional love in your relationships and in your church.
Prayer: Lord, let the peace of Christ rule in our hearts, since as members of one body we were called to peace. In all things, may we be thankful. 16 Let the message of Christ dwell among us richly as we teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to you Lord with gratitude in our hearts. 17 And whatever we do, whether in word or deed, may we do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. AMEN (adapted from Colossians 3:15-17)
Do you find unconditional love in your church?
Today’s devotion builds on the thoughts from Sunday’s Sermon – Week 2 of “Compelled – Living the Value of Unconditional Love” (LISTEN HERE).
Don’t you wish there was a place that you could step into and know that even though people knew your failures and your past, you were still loved, cared for, and accepted? Do you wish there was a place where you knew that if something happened and you needed help, there would be a number of people to rally around you? Do you long for a place where you could be yourself, would not have to put on a front or façade and could show up as the real you?
I suppose heaven will be that – although we will all be perfect in Christ.
However, the Church is a place God has put together to be a place where unconditional love can be received and lived. Church is the place where we get to put unconditional love into practice.
(Note – I am not suggesting sin is not addressed and dealt with. I look forward in the future to discuss the interplay of unconditional love and fair justice.)
This series is not just to teach the theology of the value, but to help us form a culture that models this value. So what does that culture look like? Here’s some guidance from Colossians chapter 3
12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
Getting along in a Christian congregation is much like getting along in a family. There are times we say things we shouldn’t and hurt feelings. Sometimes we see something and we are offended by it. Sometimes we rile against feeling judged or made to look bad.
Creating a culture of unconditional love will be challenging, but the Scripture and love of Christ will help us. Here’s an example: In a previous church I had someone upset at me for over six months. I didn’t realize it at first but toward month 5-6 I could sense there was something off in the relationship. So a setting arose where I could ask, “Something seems to be off. Is something bothering you?” “Yes,” she replied. “You know back in _____ you preached a sermon and said ______. I believe you were talking directly to me and my family and was offended by it.”
Now we can deal with it. I was able to hear her and she me and the relationship was restored. However, for months a grievance festered. It is not loving to avoid conflict and instead carry a grievance. Sometimes the other person does not even know. Most often when talked about the situation resolves with love and forgiveness.
A culture of unconditional love seeks to lovingly resolve conflict or hurt quickly.
A culture of unconditional love sees people through the lens of Christ.
In a church, we can often expect perfection…from others. When we sense anything wrong or someone crosses us, we are tempted just to leave the church. I will be the first to admit, “I am not perfect.” Whenever I meet with prospective members (or current members), I tell them, “I will need your forgiveness and you will need mine.” We are a bunch of sinners enjoying the love of Christ and seeking to follow him more closely. We must apply the love we have received from Christ with each other…we all need it. Pride tells us we are better than others are and do not deserve to be hurt by others. Humility, gentleness, patience and forgiveness, go a long way to create a safe place in a church. Let us assume no one in the church is intentionally trying to sin against another person, but they do and they will. Humility is concerned more about the relationship than being right. Patience gives more than one chance to amend an issue…it might take time. Forgiveness is the ultimate glue to maintain a true (not superficial) peace.
People can “feel the love” or not feel the love. It starts again in our own hearts immersed in the love of Christ and then letting that love flow in our relationships with others.
The more we work at it, the more the culture of our church will reflect the unconditional love of Christ and be a place where each of us experiences the unconditional love of Christ.
Apply: What is one thing you ask God to help you do better or more to foster unconditional love at your church?
Prayer: Again we marvel at the love we have been shown by you Father. Empower us to show that love always, especially in your church. AMEN.
(DISCLAIMER: Comments in this devotion do not imply there is any current issue or situation to which I am speaking. I pray the comments empower godly living and unconditional love among us!)
What happens when we put conditions on our love for others?
Today’s devotion builds on the thoughts from Sunday’s Sermon – Week 2 of “Compelled – Living the Value of Unconditional Love” (LISTEN HERE).
Do you think you put conditions on your love for others? Your spouse? Your kids? Your friends? Your brothers and sisters in Christ?
I did not think I did as much as I do. Unfortunately, (or fortunately) this week has exposed a great opportunity to grow in loving as I have been loved in Christ.
In trying to understand what conditional and unconditional love looks like, let us reflect on 1 Corinthians 13.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails.
Which of these phrases speak to conditional love (or not loving conditionally)? Perhaps you might say, “All of them” and be correct. I would be interested in you sharing your reflections.
Here are a few that stand out to me.
Love is not proud. Pride inherently focuses on self. Pride elevates our own performance above someone else. Pride often implies a “better than” attitude. As a result, it is hard to show love to individuals that you don’t feel measure up to the standard you have created for yourself. Like the parable Jesus told in Luke 18:9-14 about the Pharisee and the tax collector, you see how his pride a) got in the way of the Pharisee loving the tax collector (he didn’t measure up), and b) got in the way of enjoying God’s unconditional love because he thought he was doing pretty well at earning it.
Love is not rude. Being rude is being impolite. Being rude implies my agenda, my thoughts, my life is more important than the other person. Being rude often puts another person down and makes them feel small or insignificant. Being rude often puts a story in my mind why the other person is acting the way they are and that in some way they deserve my rudeness instead of love and understanding. Being rude is just not being kind to the person with whom you are interacting…probably because you have determined they haven’t lived up to the silent standard they need to have for you to show love. Being rude is a by-product of conditional love.
Love keeps no record of wrongs. This one jumps off the page at me. Past hurts prevent us from showing present love. To be sure, there may be consequences of past actions that limit one’s interaction with another (Another topic to explore the interplay of unconditional love and perfect justice…for another time). Have you ever kept a silent record of wrongs and then felt justified to not be loving to someone? Unfortunately, I have seen this in the church (and at times been guilty of it myself). Church people can just leave, obvious they are upset at someone or something, but never tell you or try to address the situation. They justify their actions assuming that every Christian in the church should be perfect to them and the standards they have set in their own mind. When those standards are broken, people around them don’t deserve their love…or their presence. To this day, there are people who have left the church because someone “hurt” them, but that someone, even me as a pastor, may never know. Love addresses the wrongs; it does not keep secret records.
Love always perseveres. Love is tough. Loving unconditionally is almost impossible…without the love of Christ at work in us. Love must persevere with a close connection to Jesus Christ and his unconditional love for us. In the 33 years Jesus lived and ministered to the world on the world, he did not give up his plan to save the world motivated by love. From my perspective, there were many times Jesus could have given up, left the earth, and left people to suffer an eternity apart from him. Yet his love for the world led him to persevere through life to the cross and out of the tomb. I am glad he did.
Love is not easy (That is not in the verses, but maybe it should be!). Unconditional love is a daily challenge because we love to put conditions on the love we show to others.
The solution for our conditional love is always the unconditional love we have been given in Christ.
Apply: Which phrase in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 resonates with you and the implications of showing or not showing conditional love.
Prayer: Lord, again thank you for giving me your unconditional love. Empower me to do the same to the people around me. AMEN.
Are you adding conditions to love?
Today’s devotion builds on the thoughts from Sunday’s Sermon – Week 2 of “Compelled – Living the Value of Unconditional Love” (LISTEN HERE).
The more I reflect on unconditional love, the more I realize that love around us and how we exhibit it easily becomes conditional. Unconditional love is hard to comprehend, hard to find and hard to exhibit.
Conditional love is a great threat to unconditional love.
This may seem like an obvious statement, as the two cannot coexist. Love will be either conditional or unconditional. The reason this is a great threat is twofold.
First, conditional love threatens the unconditional love of God.
God does not put conditions on his love.
“God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only Son…” (John 3:16) He did not wait for the world to meet certain criteria before he sent Jesus.
1 John 5:10 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.
Yet we individually and collectively can put conditions on God’s love…ones that aren’t even there, but we are so conditioned to conditional love we subconsciously operate in the reality that God’s love is conditional. What do I mean?
Have you ever used the phrase, “I don’t think God loves me?” I remember a guest from years ago who came to worship a few times and as we visited afterward she said, “I don’t think I am good enough for your church.” Inherent in each of us is the reality that we are not good enough for God’s love. In fact, this conclusion is accurate. We aren’t.
There is no difference, 23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,… (Romans 3:23)
What follows in our thought patterns is that we have to become good enough to receive the love of God. We recognize our performance is less than God’s perfection, but instead of receiving God’s love as an unconditional gift, we subconsciously feel like we need to earn it back. We measure how much we deserve God’s love by how well we perceive we are doing what God wants.
The result? We have added conditions to God’s love.
To take this one step further, we can begin to measure our performance against others and conclude either we are more deserving of God’s love than others, or we despair and feel we are less worthy of God’s love. The result of putting conditions on God’s love is either the mountain of pride (I deserve it.) or the pit of despair (I don’t deserve it.). Both are grave threats to the unconditional love God has chosen in Christ to give to us.
Luke 18:11 The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. 12 I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’
When I make God’s love conditional, I build Pharisaical pride in my heart and I miss the comfort God’s unconditional love truly gives.
God’s unconditional love is not based on my performance. It is based on his gracious choice to love me even though I do not always love him.
“This is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us.”
Period.
Apply: How do you find yourself adding conditions to God’s love for you?
Prayer: Lord, thank you for showing your unconditional love for us in Christ. Forgive us when we put our own conditions on your love and work as though we can earn more of it. Lead us to receive and treasure the simple fact that your love is unconditional. AMEN.
What would you do for love?
Today’s devotion builds on the thoughts from Sunday’s Sermon – Week 2 of “Compelled – Living the Value of Unconditional Love” (LISTEN HERE).
Why is love such a big deal…let alone unconditional love?
In 1943, an American psychologist by the name of Abraham Maslow penned and article for the journal Psychology Review entitled, “A Theory of Human Motivation.” In this article he outline what has become known as “Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.” The first level is physiological needs (things we need for physical life); the second level is safety needs (feeling secure). The third level hits on our topic: Belonging or love needs (need for relationships and friends).
His theory proposed that we are motivated to fill these needs and the more severe the need is, the more we will risk or do to have that need filled. For example, while your general activity would never steal from someone, if you were starving and didn’t have any money to buy something to eat, you may consider stealing some food to meet that need of your body.
Love is a big deal because God has wired us to be loved and to love. Maslow wasn’t inventing something new for the human being, he was simply putting to pen and paper what God has wired in us. From the beginning God designed humanity to be in loving relationship with him and with each other. Sin broke that, but did not remove the need to be loved.
People will do a lot to feel loved. Kids want their parents love. Young people may be in a relationship with someone simply because that person fills a love void. Gangs in the street, as violent as they can be, are a place where individuals feel belonging and love. Friendships form to meet this need. We play on sports team to find a peer group of love and acceptance. What would you do for love?
This question sets up a dangerous answer.
It implies that I must DO something to earn someone else’s love. It also implies that if I DON’T do the right things, I will lose that person’s love. This conditional arrangement leaves love hanging in the balance and this need to be loved often unfulfilled.
It also leads to our love for others hinging on the conditions we overtly or subconsciously place on it.
In preparing this week’s message, I am convinced what our soul yearns for is UNCONDITIONAL love. We want security in knowing that another’s love is NOT dependent on my performance. We want to know there is “nothing I can do that can make you love me more and nothing I can do that will make me love you less.” We want to know love is unconditional and constant.
To be honest, there are many thoughts floating around in my mind about unconditional love and I look forward to delving deeper into the topic and how unconditional love plays out in our own hearts and its impact as we live to love without conditions.
That being said, the key verse for this value of “Unconditional Love” begins the journey to understand the ONLY place where unconditional love can be found in perfection and the only place FROM which unconditional love can begin to be given to those around us. Unconditional love is grounded in the unconditional love of God.
1 John 4:7 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9 This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. 10 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. 11 Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12 No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.
God chose to love us before we could ever love him. God showed his love for us in Jesus before we could ever show our love for him. God modeled unconditional love for us so we might show unconditional love to others.
Apply: Reflect on the love you receive and give. How is it conditional? How is unconditional?
Prayer: Lord, thank you for the unconditional love you have shown to me in Jesus. Use me to show that unconditional love to others. AMEN.