What happens when we put conditions on our love for others?
Today’s devotion builds on the thoughts from Sunday’s Sermon – Week 2 of “Compelled – Living the Value of Unconditional Love” (LISTEN HERE).
Do you think you put conditions on your love for others? Your spouse? Your kids? Your friends? Your brothers and sisters in Christ?
I did not think I did as much as I do. Unfortunately, (or fortunately) this week has exposed a great opportunity to grow in loving as I have been loved in Christ.
In trying to understand what conditional and unconditional love looks like, let us reflect on 1 Corinthians 13.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails.
Which of these phrases speak to conditional love (or not loving conditionally)? Perhaps you might say, “All of them” and be correct. I would be interested in you sharing your reflections.
Here are a few that stand out to me.
Love is not proud. Pride inherently focuses on self. Pride elevates our own performance above someone else. Pride often implies a “better than” attitude. As a result, it is hard to show love to individuals that you don’t feel measure up to the standard you have created for yourself. Like the parable Jesus told in Luke 18:9-14 about the Pharisee and the tax collector, you see how his pride a) got in the way of the Pharisee loving the tax collector (he didn’t measure up), and b) got in the way of enjoying God’s unconditional love because he thought he was doing pretty well at earning it.
Love is not rude. Being rude is being impolite. Being rude implies my agenda, my thoughts, my life is more important than the other person. Being rude often puts another person down and makes them feel small or insignificant. Being rude often puts a story in my mind why the other person is acting the way they are and that in some way they deserve my rudeness instead of love and understanding. Being rude is just not being kind to the person with whom you are interacting…probably because you have determined they haven’t lived up to the silent standard they need to have for you to show love. Being rude is a by-product of conditional love.
Love keeps no record of wrongs. This one jumps off the page at me. Past hurts prevent us from showing present love. To be sure, there may be consequences of past actions that limit one’s interaction with another (Another topic to explore the interplay of unconditional love and perfect justice…for another time). Have you ever kept a silent record of wrongs and then felt justified to not be loving to someone? Unfortunately, I have seen this in the church (and at times been guilty of it myself). Church people can just leave, obvious they are upset at someone or something, but never tell you or try to address the situation. They justify their actions assuming that every Christian in the church should be perfect to them and the standards they have set in their own mind. When those standards are broken, people around them don’t deserve their love…or their presence. To this day, there are people who have left the church because someone “hurt” them, but that someone, even me as a pastor, may never know. Love addresses the wrongs; it does not keep secret records.
Love always perseveres. Love is tough. Loving unconditionally is almost impossible…without the love of Christ at work in us. Love must persevere with a close connection to Jesus Christ and his unconditional love for us. In the 33 years Jesus lived and ministered to the world on the world, he did not give up his plan to save the world motivated by love. From my perspective, there were many times Jesus could have given up, left the earth, and left people to suffer an eternity apart from him. Yet his love for the world led him to persevere through life to the cross and out of the tomb. I am glad he did.
Love is not easy (That is not in the verses, but maybe it should be!). Unconditional love is a daily challenge because we love to put conditions on the love we show to others.
The solution for our conditional love is always the unconditional love we have been given in Christ.
Apply: Which phrase in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 resonates with you and the implications of showing or not showing conditional love.
Prayer: Lord, again thank you for giving me your unconditional love. Empower me to do the same to the people around me. AMEN.
Are you adding conditions to love?
Today’s devotion builds on the thoughts from Sunday’s Sermon – Week 2 of “Compelled – Living the Value of Unconditional Love” (LISTEN HERE).
The more I reflect on unconditional love, the more I realize that love around us and how we exhibit it easily becomes conditional. Unconditional love is hard to comprehend, hard to find and hard to exhibit.
Conditional love is a great threat to unconditional love.
This may seem like an obvious statement, as the two cannot coexist. Love will be either conditional or unconditional. The reason this is a great threat is twofold.
First, conditional love threatens the unconditional love of God.
God does not put conditions on his love.
“God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only Son…” (John 3:16) He did not wait for the world to meet certain criteria before he sent Jesus.
1 John 5:10 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.
Yet we individually and collectively can put conditions on God’s love…ones that aren’t even there, but we are so conditioned to conditional love we subconsciously operate in the reality that God’s love is conditional. What do I mean?
Have you ever used the phrase, “I don’t think God loves me?” I remember a guest from years ago who came to worship a few times and as we visited afterward she said, “I don’t think I am good enough for your church.” Inherent in each of us is the reality that we are not good enough for God’s love. In fact, this conclusion is accurate. We aren’t.
There is no difference, 23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,… (Romans 3:23)
What follows in our thought patterns is that we have to become good enough to receive the love of God. We recognize our performance is less than God’s perfection, but instead of receiving God’s love as an unconditional gift, we subconsciously feel like we need to earn it back. We measure how much we deserve God’s love by how well we perceive we are doing what God wants.
The result? We have added conditions to God’s love.
To take this one step further, we can begin to measure our performance against others and conclude either we are more deserving of God’s love than others, or we despair and feel we are less worthy of God’s love. The result of putting conditions on God’s love is either the mountain of pride (I deserve it.) or the pit of despair (I don’t deserve it.). Both are grave threats to the unconditional love God has chosen in Christ to give to us.
Luke 18:11 The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. 12 I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’
When I make God’s love conditional, I build Pharisaical pride in my heart and I miss the comfort God’s unconditional love truly gives.
God’s unconditional love is not based on my performance. It is based on his gracious choice to love me even though I do not always love him.
“This is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us.”
Period.
Apply: How do you find yourself adding conditions to God’s love for you?
Prayer: Lord, thank you for showing your unconditional love for us in Christ. Forgive us when we put our own conditions on your love and work as though we can earn more of it. Lead us to receive and treasure the simple fact that your love is unconditional. AMEN.
What would you do for love?
Today’s devotion builds on the thoughts from Sunday’s Sermon – Week 2 of “Compelled – Living the Value of Unconditional Love” (LISTEN HERE).
Why is love such a big deal…let alone unconditional love?
In 1943, an American psychologist by the name of Abraham Maslow penned and article for the journal Psychology Review entitled, “A Theory of Human Motivation.” In this article he outline what has become known as “Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.” The first level is physiological needs (things we need for physical life); the second level is safety needs (feeling secure). The third level hits on our topic: Belonging or love needs (need for relationships and friends).
His theory proposed that we are motivated to fill these needs and the more severe the need is, the more we will risk or do to have that need filled. For example, while your general activity would never steal from someone, if you were starving and didn’t have any money to buy something to eat, you may consider stealing some food to meet that need of your body.
Love is a big deal because God has wired us to be loved and to love. Maslow wasn’t inventing something new for the human being, he was simply putting to pen and paper what God has wired in us. From the beginning God designed humanity to be in loving relationship with him and with each other. Sin broke that, but did not remove the need to be loved.
People will do a lot to feel loved. Kids want their parents love. Young people may be in a relationship with someone simply because that person fills a love void. Gangs in the street, as violent as they can be, are a place where individuals feel belonging and love. Friendships form to meet this need. We play on sports team to find a peer group of love and acceptance. What would you do for love?
This question sets up a dangerous answer.
It implies that I must DO something to earn someone else’s love. It also implies that if I DON’T do the right things, I will lose that person’s love. This conditional arrangement leaves love hanging in the balance and this need to be loved often unfulfilled.
It also leads to our love for others hinging on the conditions we overtly or subconsciously place on it.
In preparing this week’s message, I am convinced what our soul yearns for is UNCONDITIONAL love. We want security in knowing that another’s love is NOT dependent on my performance. We want to know there is “nothing I can do that can make you love me more and nothing I can do that will make me love you less.” We want to know love is unconditional and constant.
To be honest, there are many thoughts floating around in my mind about unconditional love and I look forward to delving deeper into the topic and how unconditional love plays out in our own hearts and its impact as we live to love without conditions.
That being said, the key verse for this value of “Unconditional Love” begins the journey to understand the ONLY place where unconditional love can be found in perfection and the only place FROM which unconditional love can begin to be given to those around us. Unconditional love is grounded in the unconditional love of God.
1 John 4:7 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9 This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. 10 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. 11 Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12 No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.
God chose to love us before we could ever love him. God showed his love for us in Jesus before we could ever show our love for him. God modeled unconditional love for us so we might show unconditional love to others.
Apply: Reflect on the love you receive and give. How is it conditional? How is unconditional?
Prayer: Lord, thank you for the unconditional love you have shown to me in Jesus. Use me to show that unconditional love to others. AMEN.
Keep praying!
Today’s devotion builds on the thoughts from Sunday’s Sermon – Week 1 of “Compelled – Living the Value of Persistent Prayer” (LISTEN HERE).
18 years ago the prayers started. Perhaps not every day, but often. Prayers for her health. Prayers for her friends. Prayers for her faith. Prayers for her heart. Prayers for her well-being. Prayers for guidance. Prayers for the ability to guide her. Prayers for forgiveness for failures. Prayers for her future spouse. Prayers for safety. Prayers for success in school. Prayers for her to be a blessing to many. Prayers for…many things I’m not remembering.
Today marks our oldest daughter’s 18th birthday. I remember when a neighbor gave us a picture board that started with her birth picture and it felt like the picture that would fill the “18 Year” slot was so far away. I wondered as a parent about the journey ahead and overwhelmed by the responsibility to pour my love, heart, and parenting into another individual.
The Lord has answered many prayers along the way and many still continue. She is healthy, off to college, has a strong faith, good friends, and a mind and heart to be a blessing to others.
Lord, thank you for and happy birthday to our daughter!
We don’t always know the timing or the answer to our prayers, but we are encouraged Be joyful always; 17 pray continually; 18 give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. (1 Thessalonians 5:16)
Never stop. The Lord never wearies of hearing our prayers. Admittedly as a parent, there are times when the requests of your children become wearisome. Now that our oldest is about to head out to college I am treasuring the times she still needs help, advice, direction or input. I hope that never changes.
I guess this is the heart of God. He wants to hear from us regularly and often.
As a parent, sometimes the request is so persistent that you give in just to stop the request from coming. “Yes! You can have ice cream. Just stop asking!” The persistence of the ask often turns into the ask being granted. We are encouraged to have this same persistence when we pray to the Lord. Jesus told a story to illustrate the point:
Luke 11:5 Then he said to them, “Suppose one of you has a friend, and he goes to him at midnight and says, ‘Friend, lend me three loaves of bread, 6 because a friend of mine on a journey has come to me, and I have nothing to set before him.’ 7 “Then the one inside answers, ‘Don’t bother me. The door is already locked, and my children are with me in bed. I can’t get up and give you anything.’ 8 I tell you, though he will not get up and give him the bread because he is his friend, yet because of the man’s boldness he will get up and give him as much as he needs. 9 “So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 10 For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.
Verses 9-10 are a wonderful promise that will keep us praying continually and persistently. Ask, seek, knock…often…regularly.
I am grateful to the Lord for all the prayers he has answered over the last 18 years on behalf of our daughter…it is a small example of his faithfulness to hear and answer the prayers of his children.
Apply: How has the Lord been faithful to you? What prayers have you been “constantly” asking? How has the Lord answered?
Prayer: Lord thank you for the invitation and privilege to pray to you constantly. Thank you for not growing weary in listening, but always hearing the requests of your children and graciously answering for our benefit and blessing. AMEN.
PRAYER TIP:
Ever need a simple outline for prayer?
Consider the A.C.T.S. model:
A – Adoration – statements of praise for who God is and what he has done.
C – Confession – acknowledging sin and asking for God’s mercy.
T – Thanksgiving – prayers of gratitude
S – Supplication – praying for people and situations.
How do I pray in line with God’s Will?
Today’s devotion builds on the thoughts from Sunday’s Sermon – Week 1 of “Compelled – Living the Value of Persistent Prayer” (LISTEN HERE).
1 John 5:13 I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may know that you have eternal life. 14 This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. 15 And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.
How do you know the will of God?
If God’s promise given here is true, “…that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us” wouldn’t you want to always ask according to his will?
I would think so.
Knowing the will of God connects prayer with the Word of God. God’s Word forms the input into our hearts and our prayer life that aligns our requests with the known will of God. For example, when you put thoughts of Scripture into prayer, we can be sure that the Word of God IS the will of God, and as the word of God is a key component of our prayer, we can be confident we are praying the will of God.
For example, you may be reading 1 Timothy 2
I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone— 2 for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. 3 This is good, and pleases God our Savior, 4 who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth.
You may follow it with a prayer:
Lord, I pray for our President and other leaders that they recognize their authority comes from you and that they would use that authority to allow us to live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. I also pray Lord for all who don’t know you that they would come to a knowledge of your truth and trust you as their God and Savior. Amen.
Is that prayer in line with God’s will? Yes, because it captures the words of God which communicate the will of God.
To be sure, not every prayer has a direct connection to Scripture. When we pray for physical healing, or tangible blessing, we may end our prayers with “Not my will, but yours be done.” This takes the demand out of our prayer and puts our trust that the will of God is always what is best for our lives.
We can have the same confidence as the hymn writer:
What God ordains is always good; His will abideth holy.
As He directs my life for me, I follow meek and lowly.
God indeed in every need Doth well know how to shield me;
To Him, then, I will yield me.
To be a persistent pray’er is also to be a persistent Bible reader. Prayer and Bible reading close the loop of two-way communication. God talks to us and reveals his will in his Word; we respond and talk to God through our prayers.
So a great way to enhance your time of prayer and expand the things for which you pray is to read a section of Scripture and then “pray through it.” This will naturally incorporate the will of God in your prayers to God.
Apply: Try reading a Psalm and then after reading turn it into a prayer. What content did you find yourself praying about that you probably wouldn’t have if you didn’t read Scripture before praying?
Prayer: Lord God, thank you for giving me your Word to reveal your will to me. Encourage me to always let my prayers be flavored by your Word, thus aligning my prayers to your will. AMEN.